When Your Love of Wine Gets Creepy

October 10, 2011

I called the liquor store twenty eight times just to ask if you were there. I hung up when the clerk recognized my voice. I don’t care. I just want to know that you’re still there. I want to know that I can still get to you. I still have the old bottle that you were in when I first found you. You didn’t know I kept it did you? It still smells like you. Sometimes I pull it out and smell it when I’m listening to Air Supply. That’s our band, you know. Air Supply.

Have you seen me slowly driving past the liquor store? Eleven times yesterday. I do it to see you in the window. That’s not weird is it? Think of it this way: I’m only looking out for you. I’ll always be there for you.

You took some good pictures for your web site. I printed some of them and taped them to my bedroom wall. And ceiling. And mirror. Some of them really show off your beautiful label. I think about your label a lot when I’m at work. I think about your dark cherry and anise flavors too. I try not to think about them when I’m at church, though. Nothing good can come of that. And don’t go sharing your voluptuous mouthfeel and your exotic liqueur flavors with someone else. I don’t know what I would do. Do you understand? I just don’t know what I would do.

Another customer almost bought a bottle of you. I talked him out of it. Then I bought the bottle myself. See? I told you I would always be there for you. I told you I was looking out for you. That’s why I’ve also written a thirteen-thousand-word manifesto explaining how perfect our love can be on the side of the box I brought you home in on that first perfect day. I really love getting close to you like this. Enough talk. It’s time to put on some Air Supply and pull out your old bottle again.

This week’s recommendation:

Bogle, Petite Sirah Port ($19.99): I know. Creepy. But it’s pretty much the way I feel when I become infatuated with a wine that so captures my full attention. Bogle Petite Sirah Port is one of those wines. It makes me want to build a little cozy room in my basement, buy a case of it, and lock us both inside so we can be happy all by ourselves. Forever.

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